10. There’s plenty of parking near the building for weekend services.
9. You can always get your favorite seat, or simply ask who is sitting in it to move.
8. The music is always familiar, and never too loud.
7. The pastor has been in everyone’s home, and knows everybody’s name.
6. You are never asked for money.
5. Phrases like, “We’ve never done it that way before,” “I’m not being faithless, just realistic,” “Why pray? God’s gonna do what God’s gonna do,” “If God wants His church to grow it will grow – we don’t have to do anything,” and “They really should do something about that” are common refrains.
4. You can be confident that whatever change there is will be incremental, insignificant, and will only happen with your direct input and approval.
3. There aren’t any of those left-leaning, evolution-believing, gay-marriage supporting, Harry Potter reading pagans daring to attend; just the pro-family, Christian-radio listening, fish-sticker wearing, big-Bible carrying types.
2. The Bible is seldom taught in ways that are uncomfortable or challenging.
1. It is always about you – getting fed, getting ministered to, with services evaluated by what you get out of it.
- James Emery White